Monday, August 22, 2011

Is it worth it?

I was having a difficult moment tonight. It happens. Sometimes frequently. Thinking about one crappy thing lead to thinking about another crappy thing, which led to thinking about another crappy thing. Isn' t that snowball effect freaking awesome? Finally, in the span of 20 minutes I was involved in a full on pity party, and I was the guest of honor. Waah me. I asked myself the usual question -

"Is it all worth it?"

All the money we owe, all the shit that needs to be done to the house, all the times I was really pissed and had no one to call, all the laundry to do, the slaps to the face in the middle of the grocery store by my toddler, all the places the car needs repair. All the times I fought with my husband about the god damn cat box, all the time I don't get to spend time with said husband because we have to work opposite schedules. All the friends and family that we love that are too far away, all the family that doesn't give a shit about us. All the times I don't get that birthday present or get to give that birthday present. All the times you have to deal with the outside world and you just wish you could curl up and hide for a while.

Well, pardon my french but -

Heck yeah, it is all worth it.

I don't believe in the "it's all wonderful because love conquers all" crap. But that is exactly how it is. I love my girls so stinkin' much that it hurts sometimes. I catch myself looking at them and have tears in my eyes thinking that they came to be only because of me and my husband. No one else could have made them. It is absolutely fascinating to me. They are wonderful bundles of life and joy and energy and sweet, tangled love. My life is better because of them, I am better because of them. No matter what happens, they have changed my path, my being, and are forever a part of me. I would not want to live without that part. Because without them, it is not worth it.

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