Is it worth it?

I was having a difficult moment tonight. It happens. Sometimes frequently. Thinking about one crappy thing lead to thinking about another crappy thing, which led to thinking about another crappy thing. Isn' t that snowball effect freaking awesome? Finally, in the span of 20 minutes I was involved in a full on pity party, and I was the guest of honor. Waah me. I asked myself the usual question -

"Is it all worth it?"

All the money we owe, all the shit that needs to be done to the house, all the times I was really pissed and had no one to call, all the laundry to do, the slaps to the face in the middle of the grocery store by my toddler, all the places the car needs repair. All the times I fought with my husband about the god damn cat box, all the time I don't get to spend time with said husband because we have to work opposite schedules. All the friends and family that we love that are too far away, all the family that doesn't give a shit about us. All the times I don't get that birthday present or get to give that birthday present. All the times you have to deal with the outside world and you just wish you could curl up and hide for a while.

Well, pardon my french but -

Heck yeah, it is all worth it.

I don't believe in the "it's all wonderful because love conquers all" crap. But that is exactly how it is. I love my girls so stinkin' much that it hurts sometimes. I catch myself looking at them and have tears in my eyes thinking that they came to be only because of me and my husband. No one else could have made them. It is absolutely fascinating to me. They are wonderful bundles of life and joy and energy and sweet, tangled love. My life is better because of them, I am better because of them. No matter what happens, they have changed my path, my being, and are forever a part of me. I would not want to live without that part. Because without them, it is not worth it.

Father's Day 2011

Daddy's new shirt we had made for him - Because he always tells us he loves us

"As Big as the world, as big as the sky", (forever and ever and ever!)

(be sure to turn up the volume - the little microphone icon under the picture, for some reson it defaults to mute)

Daddy got a new pair of shoes, a special breakfast, a new shirt and an afternoon of boating. In his words - "best father's day ever!" Love you Keith for being a great daddy and loving your girls...

AS BIG AS THE SKY, AS BIG AS THE WORLD, FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!

thanks for being my babies' daddy!

No shoe didn't - Yes shoe did.

First, let me start with a quote that I find particularly fitting:

In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul. ~ Lisa T. Shepherd

I share this because this picture is an example of why mothers like myself can identify with this quote. If you notice, this is a picture of a large pile of baby shoes - AND NOT ONE OF THEM MATCH. There are 10 shoes here from Fiona's shoe storage box and they are all different. In my house (or possibly car) at this given moment is the match to every one of these shoes. Yet somehow it is possible that when I am looking for two shoes that match to take my child out into the world, there are only ten shoes that - and I repeat -DO NOT MATCH!!!! This is a perfect example of why mothers often feel like they have lost their mind. Luckily for us, the second part of the quote usually comes into play quickly enough to keep us somewhat sane.

The Sleeping Bee

****This post written by the blogger's Mom,

otherwise known as Gramma*****

One sunny morning recently on our porch, Zoe noticed a bumblebee lying underneath our table.
She asked me why the bee wasn’t moving, and I told her the bee was probably “sleeping”, which has been my Son-in-Law's way of avoiding the death subject.
My daughter told me it was okay, as death was now being discussed with little Miss 3 Year Old. So, I told her the bee was dead. She got down on her knees and tried to BZZZZZZ at it and it didn’t move.
The discussion went to “Gramma, why doesn’t the bee move?” I stumbled and told her that when you died you can’t move…..after many “why” questions, including “Gramma, why won’t he open his eyes?”, I finally resorted to the, “because God made it that way” answer to a few questions, much to the dismay of my daughter.
Zoe asked if she could touch the bumble bee - we decided not to touch but to look at it. She got down nose to nose with the bumble bee and just watched it for a long time, very, very quietly. And then said, “Gramma, the bee still won’t wake up “– so Gramma said, “Zoe, do you want to sing the bee a song?” I thought we would make up a little ditty about a sleeping bumblebee on my porch, when very quietly, she began to sing to the bee…..”The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout……….” The song I sang to her every morning when she was a baby…..

-Gramma

Easter 2011

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Pitstop between Errands

Fiona and I were running some errands while Zoe was in school today and ended up stopping at the beach(that makes errand so much more tolerable!). We hadn't been since...well...she probably doesn't even remember being at the beach it's been so long, I'm sad to say. But we can so we did today! She was totally freaking out about her toes having sand stuck on them and wouldn't stand up for the longest time. Just kept saying "uh-oh" and "feet". (The video doesn't give her original reaction justice!)Finally she was OK with it and we ran around looking at the ocean, birds and beach goers for a while. It was lovely!

Blankey and Baba

Fiona has a "lovey". It's a blanket that she really wasn't interested in until a few months ago. Zoe never had one, and that was kind of weird to me because I thought every kid had one(though I don't remember having one, so I don't know why I thought that). She isn't obsessed with it or anything, she just likes to chew on it when she's tired. Maybe "chew" isn't the right word- she practically stuffs the whole thing in her mouth at once! I like it because it's made of organic cotton and satin. I wonder how long she'll love on it - I know a certain someone who still has his and he is over 30 years old:)... I am also having a hard time getting rid of her bottle ("baba"). She definitely wants it when she wakes up and when she is tired. I think it's hard for me to get rid of it because I feel guilty about stopping breast feeding when I did. She was OK about it then, I just feel like maybe I should have waited longer, until she stopped. Plus, I'm sure part of my reluctance to stop this baby stuff is the whole "she's my last baby wah wah wah". I'll get over it - I guess... it's just this motherhood thing/taking care of my own babies is kind of nice. I'm finally getting the hang of it and now they aren't babies any more!:(